


The Very Idea!

by orphan_account



Category: Master and Commander - O'Brian, Northanger Abbey - Austen
Genre: Challenge Response, Community: perfect_duet, Crossover, F/F, over 1000 words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-05
Updated: 2008-10-05
Packaged: 2017-10-03 20:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mrs Random has exciting new gossip to spread.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Very Idea!

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for Perfect Duet's ficathon and the prompt "Scandalous!".

When Mrs Random, neighbour of Mrs Williams and Mrs Morris, came over for a tea and an exchange of local gossip, as she frequently did, she found the ladies in a jolly mood. They looked as conspiratorial as ever, sitting in two chairs drawn up close to each other and looking tremendously pleased with themselves. Mrs Williams was wearing one of her more coquettish hats.

They talked of this and that as the tray was brought in, exchanging pleasantries and baby news. It was quite amazing what a store of information the ladies had retained regarding matches and children and shady financial dealings, without seemingly keeping any records. All through this, however, Mrs Random had to steel herself not to fidget, so bursting was she with her terrible news.

Finally, when the three of them were alone and tea was already warming their bellies, Mrs Random dropped her voice and leaned in close. ‘I have something terrible to tell you, Mrs Morris, Mrs Williams,’ she whispered. ‘Something so unnatural it almost cannot be told. But I must, or you will not know to stay away from those wicked, two-faced women.’

The ladies leaned close as well, their eyes so keen and hungry that Mrs Random felt quite pleased with herself. ‘Is it the questionable paternity of Mr Mills, the shopkeeper?’ asked Mrs Williams.

‘Not the goat swindle at the Agricultural Show? That’s old news, my dear.’

‘No, no,’ said Mrs Random with secret glee, ‘it’s much worse than that! It concerns Mrs Reverend Tilney. And I’m sure you remember the visit she had from that unpleasant Mrs Isabella Tewt?’

The ladies nodded their head and cooed their yeses, encouraging Mrs Random to continue. Mrs Tewt had been a sight in the market indeed, in her red plumed hat and close-gathered dress and what the ladies were convinced could not be anything but rouge.

‘Well! Though Mrs Tilney sent her packing fast enough, it’s common knowledge they were together in Bath for a year or so in their youth and simply could not be separated. They say they had a tiff over Isabella wanting to marry Mrs Tilney’s, then Ms Morland’s, brother. However true that might be, the friendship ended and we were all pleased to assume Isabella had been less obviously wicked in her younger days. But I received letters from my cousin in London just this morning that shed a different light on the issue.’ She produced the letters from her handbag and flourished them dramatically. She withdrew them quickly as she saw Mrs Morris’s fingers twitch towards them.

‘These letters concern Mrs Tewt and a famous London scandal involving a certain lady, who shall remain nameless as her case does not concern our little community here. The case hangs upon the testimony of the maid. The lady and Mrs Tewt had been bosom buddies, and there shall be more about that later,’ Mrs Random tittered, ‘and they had been seen everywhere together – theatre, opera, restaurants around the city. It was said that the lady supported Mrs Tewt, who was quite penniless. Her husband had abandoned her long ago, and good for him, if you ask me. Well! One morning, the maid says, she came to awaken the lady and draw the curtains, as was her duty, and she came upon her lady in bed with Mrs Tewt, both naked as the day they were born (though there is a rumour that Mrs Tewt was still wearing her garters) and asleep in each other’s arms. Now that alone she found most queer, but said nothing, and brought them dinner in bed as she was bid. When she returns, the ladies are sitting up, now somewhat covered, and locked in a passionate embrace!’

Mrs Random sat back to admire to look of surprise and stupefaction and the beginning of outrage on the ladies faces, so much alike and in tandem she could have just looked at one’s face and guessed the other’s expression.

‘Well! Is that not shocking, dear Mrs Williams, dear Mrs Morris? Of all the unnatural passions! Perverting nature and friendship for pleasure! That such women exist! Of course, it will be hard to prove and prosecute, but public opinion will condemn the harlots! And my question is –‘ she dropped her voice ‘-how does that reflect on our own Mrs Tilney and her girlhood friendship with that very same Mrs Tewt?’

Mrs Williams found her voice first. ‘Preposterous!’ she spluttered.

‘Incredible!’ cried Mrs Morris, springing to her feet. ‘Vile!’

‘Oh, I quite agree!’ said Mrs Random.

‘How dare you bring us such lies? What put such an impossible thing in your mind?’

Mrs Random’s mouth fell open in surprise. ‘But – every word is true! My cousin-‘

‘I care little for your cousin! And you! How could you believe even for a moment such an obviously untrue accusation!’

‘My dear friends, the letter-‘

‘Out! Out of our house! You dirty-minded woman! Come back when you have learned your Bible – which is the highest authority, and would surely mention such a crime as this – and have half a brain to think, and imagine, and see that such a thing is impossible, for simple biological reasons that you, as a married woman, should be well aware of!’

Mrs Random blushed, flustered and half-stumbled her way out, bewildered and shocked and miserable. After what the ladies had said about Tom Wilde and his pigs she was surprised anything could have garnered such a reaction. She felt like a fool, and cried a little on her solitary walk home.

Alone in their drawing-room, Mrs Williams and Mrs Morris looked at each other, still rather excited an out of sorts after such an explosion. It was just the sort of thing to give old age a bit of a thrill. ‘I don’t think she will be spreading that one around any further,’ said Mrs Morris, grinning just a little roguishly.

‘My brilliant darling,’ said Mrs Williams fondly, and kissed Mrs Morris, in a way not condemned by the Bible.


End file.
